What’s In Your…Backpack?

Just a quick note as I prepare for my next infusion…that alone is an assumption! There will be blood tests, spot checking, scans, and evaluations. It’s a time of mixed emotions; I always hope that I pass with flying colors and get the immunotherapy that may be saving my life, I also feel the anxiety of what might not be okay.

I’d really love comments from others on what you do when faced with challenges ahead. Do you take that nervous energy and just go out and have fun? Or do you take on a project to keep your mind and body busy, expending dark energy? Do you get lost in your worry?

And That’s Why It’s Called a Nervous “WRECK”!

A few days out from the process and it’s a rainy day. The beach walk I thought I’d squish in this morning was given a literal “rain check”. Travel bags are now packed, some small projects completed, and next up will be the cats! Wow, to the World Series but it also means no more Red Sox to keep me inspired. I prefer to have bills paid and administrative duties completed. Clean sheets are always a good thing. Diversion, good! Nervous? Hell, yes!DSC01632

All of this seems silly but in having things in order for now, I expend some tension. Doing that leaves more room for things I will need while at Dana Farber Cancer Institute; it’s my emotional backpack. We all have them and when cancer treatment is imminent,  it’s important to NOT fill my emotional backpack with negativity, nervousness, and worry.

Get Ready (by The Temptations)

Here’s a brief list of what I will put in my emotional backpack:

  • belief in a tomorrow
  • courage
  • hope
  • inspiration
  • integrity
  • love

Hokey as hell but in putting in positive feelings, there is less room for the emotions that drag one down. Sure, they are there (those scary thoughts), and yes, when I walk into the medical facility there is a pit in my stomach. Metastatic melanoma, stage III, is one deadly disease. I’m well versed in what I’m up against.

Choosing to bring all those positive emotions and desires with me gives me strength, strength to get through a long day.  I put a positive spin on something I never thought would be a part of my life; I believe that I’m part of something bigger and that satisfies my soul. Cancer research is imperative and clinical trials matter.

Balancing Act

Balance will be skewed on my medical day, no doubt. There is no way to discount the possibility of a questionable scan, bloodwork values, or other concerns. This is how those cancer cells are found, this is the chance we cancer patients have. Packing the positives in my emotional bag become the bulwark for whatever this trip brings.

Exhausting, the Yervoy infusion is only one part of the depleting feeling of cancer treatment. Finding your emotional infusion may take time, but look high and low; positive emotion may just be the reserve you need to pack. Take the time to discover what it is for you and how to pack it up for when you need it!

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Balance is a building process!

We all need to have emotional reserves for challenges in life. I’d love to hear what works for you. Please share in the comments as we all will benefit from learning what to pack in life’s emotional bag! What works for you?

We can-cervive!

Janis

#melanomatheskin #wecancervive #cancer #worldserieschamps #cancer #melanoma #TuesdayThoughts

He Said, She Said; Finding Balance in a World of Words

This blog isn’t political though I have deeply strong thoughts about my government, the direction I’d like to see the country move, and the lack of integrity everywhere. Instead of talking about Kavanuagh or Ford and others in today’s hearing, I want to discuss language. The use of language in medical scenarios, such as melanoma cancer as described my Mayo Clinic.

Cold Calling

Health information is critical to making sense of a frightening diagnosis, mine was a second cancer diagnosis in 2017. The first time the biopsy came back positive for melanoma, my dermatologist left a terrifying message on my phone, the second time the same. I appreciated knowing up front that I have metastatic melanoma, and each time returned his call for more details.

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It’s what I describe as a cold call, learning that something is seriously wrong but needing to call to find out the details. Somehow, it would be more fitting to do this in person, but keep in mind time is of the essence when fighting cancer. After each of these calls, life went in to hyper-mode to learn what was next. The power of words, right?

Words can be critical to how we feel, our perspective on healing, and where we find our hope and courage. I want to hear what words have brought challenge to your life, what words have brought joy? Something as simple as clean scans are ginormous in a cancer patient’s life.

Them’s Fightin’ Words

Medically speaking, I’ve had some curiously frustrating situations. For example, in talking to my first local oncologist when I felt my cancer was back, she told me not to overreact. My local dermatologist made an illustration of how my excision was done and described the healing process. Unfortunately, I believed what they said, there words the gospel of medical belief.

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Except I pushed for a biopsy, except something felt wrong, except I needed to believe in myself because metastatic melanoma was in another area of my face. No blame as these medical professionals felt they were right, but jeez the time lost while I am feeling the he said she said of medical mistakes. Meanwhile, time had gone by….

My Hearing – No, I’m Not Up for SCOTUS!

Working with Dana Farber has been an incredible experience, the level of knowledge, the cancer research done there, and the integrity of the staff is amazing. Though my local radiation doctor didn’t feel I would have hearing loss, one of my Dana Farber oncologists, said it was very probable. Another he said, she said…I am going with what I know: my hearing is poor, I no longer have ear wax (just what you needed to know, right?),  and my left ear just feels different.

Sorry to complain, it’s not my point here at all. This writing is really a reminder to the collective we. We know our bodies, our minds, our spirits. Believe in yourself and find your inspiration. Balance is critical to our healing from disease; accurate information is essential and professional staff builds confidence.

Doctor, Doctor Give Me the News (Robert Palmer)

In August, I had a CT scan at Dana Farber that found a questionable area, and the minute I went in to see the best skin cancer oncologist ever (okay, I may be prejudiced!), he greeted my and immediately disclosed his concerns. He also let me know it was not melanoma, and that this was not his area of knowledge.

It turned out to be nothing of concern, but how reassuring to have my oncologist explain what they saw, what needed to happen, and admit that he was not the doctor for this concern. That’s integrity of words, using language to tell what is known, and what direction my medical challenges need to go.

There is no fake news and real news, no he said she said in the medical world. Find your best possible information and staff, and move toward your medical reality confident in the integrity of what is known at this point. I only wish that we could use the words integrity and government in the same phrase…that would be language I’d be hearing!

water and words

#hesaidshesaid    #melanomatheskin   #cancer   #melanoma #naturalskinrocks #medical integrity #danafarber  #scotus

We can-cer vive!

Janis

 

Heroes Among Us

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An American Hero

 

With the passing of John McCain, many of us are reminded of the fragility of life and the opportunity we have while living. Disconnected politically, I admired McCain for his service to the United States, for his integrity of character, and for his clear, well defined opinions. He was a fighter and we cancer patients and caregivers know about that.

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“Nothing in life is more liberating than to fight for a cause larger than yourself, something that encompasses you but is not defined by your existence alone.” 

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears.” 

I could talk about his melanoma or his glioblastoma. I could talk about his side of the isle versus the one I favor, I could say how meaningful his thumbs down was on the Senate floor in an effort to span party lines and vote to keep the Affordable Care Act that so many Americans need.

All of it matters, his list of accomplishments extensive. Inspiration comes to us in snippets of life, people, and example. Disease is an equalizer and McCain taught us to live each moment to the best, to carry our courage close by, and to find the strength to carry on.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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We lost Aretha Franklin recently as well. Not one to follow the celebrity life and finding it caustic for the most part, I admire those in the limelight who are exceptionally talented, use their status to work toward the common good, and have integrity of character. Hmmm….integrity really is key to a life well lived!

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“We all require and want respect, man or woman, black or white. It’s our basic human right.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

“Every birthday is a gift. Every day is a gift.”

“Sometimes, what you’re looking for is already there.”

Lover of life, lover of people, we lost Aretha to pancreatic cancer. I consider her a hero as she was far more than the Queen of Soul. Aretha fought many personal challenges, aided in the promotion of civil and women’s rights, and had the courage to hold her head high. She taught us what respect truly means.

If You Could Spend an Hour with One Person

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Who would that be? Ben Franklin comes to mind (though I’ve others such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Indira Gandhi, Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, Virginia Woolf, Dalai Lama, Vincent Van Gogh, Martin Luther King, Stephen Hawking…).

Ben Franklin, a founding Father and inventor, was also a man of his word, literally. He wrote often and started a “lending library” in 1731. I find his integrity of character to include: being a person of action, in service to his country, and peppered with great wit and humor. He taught us to be true to ourselves, to be real.

“What you seem to be, be really.”

“Wish not so much to live long as to live well.”

Who are your heroes?  Be sure to write your comments so we can continue this conversation. My deepest feeling on this is that the hero need not be historically great, in the limelight, or a modern day patriot. Integrity is the commonality; the hero is in each of us, ready to teach.

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You Are My Hero

Unsung heroes are around us. It’s the Mom walking her hairless child through Dana Farber heading for the next treatment. It’s the cancer patient learning that the disease is terminal. Or maybe, it’s that person pushing through the next cycle of cancer uncertainty in hope of more time, another moment to enjoy life. Cancer examples, yet each of us has our own example in life, in integrity. Look at the person beside you; we all wear capes!

We’re in this thing called life together. Perhaps our hero life is small, perhaps it’s a kind gesture, a smile, a hug. Perhaps you make a positive difference today. Perhaps you model the character of integrity…

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“Do you love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”          Ben Franklin

#melanomatheskin #cancer #hero #wecan-cervive #naturalskinrocks #melanoma #Thursdaythoughts #respect

We can-cer vive!

Janis