Vote Early, Vote Often

Feeling the Blow

I’m already breaking a political promise; I vowed this blog wouldn’t get into my political beliefs. So like all those running for office, not all promises are kept! You see sometimes life changes our platforms, whether we approve or not! I’ve voted and hope you participate on November 6th if not before. I’d love to hear your thoughts on politics, voting, or cancer. Comments are encouraged and discussion most welcome!

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After years of great health, I was dealt the first melanoma blow in 2015.  Determined not to have it be a knock out, I came back fighting. Until things didn’t feel right to me again, a facial excision left an area tender; my old boxing injury I joked. Except  something wasn’t right and I needed to believe in myself, to fight.

The Main Event (Round Two)

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Doctors didn’t believe me and so time went by; we cancer patients have a love-hate relationship with time. (We want more of it, though hate it when it means waiting on test results). Finally, I requested a biopsy; metastatic melanoma again and recommendations that we now go to the medical epi-center of Boston, Dana Farber Cancer Institute being our choice. I was in the big ring now.

I’ve mentioned my cancer before and will again, but not in the context of politics. I could be the poster child for pre-existing conditions. My skin, like yours, holds onto its history; its damage, whether it be sun or other sources is pre-existing. My metastatic melanoma could have happened as a child, or just a few years ago. It’s been two hard punches to the left side of my face.

So, my pre-existing condition just may have been lurking for years, waiting for the optimum conditions to let cancer, medical diagnosis, doctors and dermatologists, become the new normal in my life. I’ve always listened to my physical being, but we cancer patients feel we’re caught cold when going another round. Pre-existing, why yes I am!

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Saved By The Bell

Think pre-existing conditions aren’t relevant to you? Yes, I gratefully thought that previous to 2015. I agree that we want to cultivate hope and inspiration, not worry about the what-ifs that can drag us down with a one-two punch.  And any given day, you may be in a bout for your life, for your medical treatment.

Insurance discussion is a constant in our home, at our table now. I’m the lucky one because we have insurance to cover my clinical trial drug for now. At some point, we are going to make a decision on insurance expenses and/or treatment. Decisions are regularly made by people who can’t afford insurance premiums. Long before my health issues, I was deeply affected by those I love making tough life choices based on medical expense.

We Are The Champions

So, yeah! Vote early, vote often, but whatever you do vote! We’ve all fallen to the canvas a few times, all taken a few sucker punches. Life is like that. However you vote, at least you’re making a decision to participate, to get up and fight for what you believe in. An outcome, the decision, will be heard; if you vote, you’ve put it out there, given it your best shot!

Contenders, all of us, with our concerns and passions. Believe in yourself, have courage, and stay in the ring. There has never been a more important time to fill out a ballot. Voting is super easy and vitally important. I’ve taken to voting absentee; bringing the ballot home to research the questions and candidates more closely. Vote, vote, vote for what matters to you on November 6th (and wear your sunscreen;).

Next time, I promise not to talk politics. “And if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge…”!

#melanomatheskin #vote #melanoma #cancer #sunsavvy365 #Tuesdaythoughts

We can-cer vive!

Janis

Tolkinesque Cancer Trek within The Great American Read

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Passion Between the Pages

Are you loving the PBS Great American Read? I am. All right, so I forgot to watch last Tuesday at  8 pm but other than that I’m loving it! Gazillions of book talks, promotions, displays, and story times later in my professional life, this librarian is truly loving this event.

Why you ask? I mean, there’s not a lot of bling, blang, or blood, so what’s so enchanting? How often do we have people read us excerpts, promote the words and authors they love, and remind us to read those books on “the someday list”? Interviewees are enthralled with the books they’ve read or voted for on the PBS list of 100; in hearing their thoughts, I’m excited about what to read next.

Inspiration comes from that which we know soothes our soul, and in reading books, that inspiration also comes from a story unfolding, though we don’t know where the reading will lead us. It’s a gamble as to whether the story will take us places we want to go. I’d love to hear your favorite book of all time and where it takes you!

Really? Another Reading List?

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The first book on the PBS list that I’m reading is A Prayer for Owen Meany which I’ve picked up from the library. Author John Irving completely captivated me with Cider House Rules so this is the next of his I’ve wanted to read. It’s proving to be a challenge as the clinical trial I’m on for metastatic melanoma leaves me too tired to read! With over 500 pages, I am laughing at myself with the 5 pages or so I read a night!!!!

BUT (that’s a big but!), the writing is rich, the characters I am getting to know intimately, and I’m finding the writing takes me to another time, another place. What better way to escape the world of cancer treatment, than to let the words take me away. Besides,  little Owen Meany has captivated my heart and I am sorry to think of his battles ahead.

Journeys Versus Battles

The Lord of the Rings trilogy is on the PBS Great American Read list. I read the first, enough to recommend it to patrons, and with so many books out there, this is my standard philosophy on book series: read one and move on! I loved the journeys Tolkien took us on but found the battles to be arduous, violent, and senseless at times.

I recently had communication with an acquaintance who mentioned the idea of journeys versus battles as we discussed the challenges of cancer. He wrote “I remember being part of a group working on a program for people living with cancer and the doctor who led this said he preferred to refer to this as a ‘journey’ rather than a ‘fight.'” Thought provoking.

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This captured me; the concept almost alien but I wanted to love the idea of a cancer journey, or life as a journey with cancer being one of those bumps on the road. Somehow I was feeling Tolkienesque, maybe the accidental adventurer like Bilbo Baggins, on this cancer journey, working through incredible, mythical landscapes with help from some amazingly, magical medical staff. I love to travel so this sounded great!

Uphill Battles

 

BUT (this is a bigger but still!) I don’t agree! The idea of cancer as a journey is upbeat and positive; that works for me! The reality is we cancer patients do battle each and every day. We fight back the demons in our minds. We warriors do surgeries, radiation, clinical trials, and defeat the evil darklord, cancer. This is OUR fight against evil!

Like Tolkien’s epic series, we cancer patients are never sure what is around the next corner. We learn to enjoy the time between peril, we battle our Smaug dragons, and fight for our treasure (not a mere golden ring), but time. Some of us lose our battles to time, some of us continue the fight.

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Yes, the analogy of a journey is a reasonable one, just fraught with battles to be won! We do our best to not get stranded in the battles, and must prepare with courage for each assault. Our journey may be a bit more dangerous than some but we all have our demons to fight, dragons to slay. Working through this idea, I’m going with life is a journey, and cancer patients the warriors against disease!

Watch the amazing Great Amercian Read on PBS. MY very favorite book on the #GreatReadPBS list? It’s not the ones I’ve mentioned in this blog. Tell me yours in the comments and I’ll tell you mine!

#melanomatheskin #cancer #GreatReadPBS #melanoma #TuesdayThoughts #somanybookssolittletime

We can-cer vive!

Janis

Harvesting the Three Sisters Garden

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Planting the Seed

This time of year we reap what we sow, right? Well, not always. Choosing to focus on gardens this year, I ambitiously planted seeds, a lot of seeds actually. Mostly started indoors, seedlings were everywhere. My husband found humor with corn growing in the living room, along with a plethora of other seedlings. Hey, that’s where the sun is most prevalent in our home! While I mask from the sun because of melanoma, life needs sun.

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The starting of garden ideas last January while poring over catalogs, morphed into purchasing Fedco seeds, and notes on what to plant when, which reminds me that I have yet to record the endgame of the garden. YIKES! This gardening thing is involved. Coming full-cycle, it’s time to consider successes, failures, and modifications.

Gardening is my thing, my husband the willing lifter and mover of that which this weak cancer body hasn’t the ommph to move. He easily accepts my need for help, though his favorite part of gardening is watching it grow! Greenery, life, and plentiful harvests remind both of us how beautiful life is, how simple things bring hope, inspiration, and balance; a meditation of sorts!

Nurturing the Sisters

One area of the garden was dedicated to the Three Sisters Garden, consisting of butternut squash, corn, and beans. The belief is that each of these plants sustain the others with needed nutrients. Additionally, the pole beans could grow up the corn stalks, the rambling squash could provide needed shade on scorching summer days. My sisters’ cancer deaths was the emotional piece driving me to create a nature garden honoring us!

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As one of three sisters (along with a wonderful brother), this was the year to try it. Everything  sounded so very easy. NOT! I had metza metz results and LOVE the concept of this type of garden. Throw in treatment, fatigue, weather, and suddenly, I have more than I realized to work on. What a great way to leave medical concerns behind. Somehow, win or lose, my soul was harvesting some sister love! The nuture was on, the experiment reminding me of my clinical trial. You win some, you lose some!

Harvest Moon

Corn was started in the house and did okay. I actually had it knee-high by the 4th of July. I grew bush green beans and Scarlett Runners to climb the corn stalks. The only trouble was the corn stopped growing! So we had tiny, inedible corn on short stalks that tipped over with the weight of the lofty Scarlett Runners! Winter squash did well though I still have many baby squash, too late to catch up to the larger, edible specimens.

Pondering the Three Sisters Garden, I know I watered faithfully, carrying buckets of water to the garden from the cistern. What I didn’t do was add much manure over the summer. The plants were close together and it seemed impossible to work anything into the soil. Wanna know what really worked with this garden? The idea of this:  the simple concept of creating something to remind me of the nurturing and love that will always carry on with The Three Sisters. What are you doing to satisfy your soul? I’d love to hear from you!

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Will I do this next year? That remains to be seen; perhaps a smaller garden ensues for 2019. But then, we did expand one area….and I’d love to see improved bounty… and the seed catalogs are coming out soon…

#melanomatheskinwerein #cancer  #melanoma  #threesistersgarden #garden #fedco #naturalskinrocks #sunsavvy365

We can-cer vive!

Janis

“Educated” by Tara Westover and My Cancer Education

I’m here now!

I am one of the lucky ones, metastatic melanoma and all. Tomorrow is just that, beyond our reach.  The past is something to learn from and move forward.  Being present, a gift for us all, is part of my cancer education. I’m learning to find peace in this moment.

My yoga class delved into one of the seven chakras this week, the Muladhara chakra or the root chakra. We walked, feeling the earth beneath our feet. We talked, sharing the sense of strength found in our foundation. We sat, finding our sitting spot and bringing motion to that area. We meditated, feeling the support and depth that we call earth. Balance and stability ensued.

Yoga centers me, and as a fairly new student, each pose requires my attention. This week’s class reminded me of a quality that I cherish in myself, a quality of being a realist. In feeling lucky to be here, I also reminded myself to be here now. It’s so easy to get caught in what medical treatment is next, what my health insurance will look like in the future, the fact that some nights sleep is hard to come by, even though fatigue rides my back daily, like the backpack I can’t seem to lose!

Instruction is sensitive to different needs of this restorative/gentle yoga class. Some challenges are physically apparent in this welcoming group, some not obvious. Being the youngest in this group, my clinical trial aches and pains, and other side effects are not evident. Our individual spiritual and emotional challenges find bearing,  find roots as class continues.

I Am Therefore I Exist, I Exist Therefore I Am

This all reminds me that being grounded reaches deeply beyond having our feet on the ground; it reaches into our very being to remind us to be here now, to leave the past and the future to other place markers in our personal timeline. Appreciate what is good, what is right, what is now.

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Being safe in that moment was mentioned in yoga class. Simple enough, right? Not necessarily and touching on that reminded me of those who live in unsafe circumstance. Having just read Educated by Kara Westover,  the book challenged me with the abuse she endured, that being safe is unattainable for some. Disease and suffering comes from many paths.

Education of Little Me

Educated, a difficult book for me, depicts family dysfunction, abuse, and a rise above the squalor. Intended to be inspirational, each reading left a bad taste in my mouth, a sorrow for those who know no safe moment, who carry the burdens of the past. Reading through to the end of this memoir, I felt pride in Tara’s accomplishments BUT a deep sadness for struggles within that will be with her forever, that are with many forever.

What resonates between reading Educated and pushing myself to go to yoga is the feeling. Cancer and all that comes with it is arduous, something that is now part of my life forever. I thought I wanted to read this book and in the process, I learned that healing for me isn’t learning of someone else’s pain and misfortune. Yes, it is a story of rising from the ashes and I admire Tara. The feeling of her story remained one of sadness.

Healing is about finding hope and courage; for me it’s about being here now. I came home from yoga, captured a moment with the wild asters, bees, and monarchs in the garden, feeling the foundation of who I’ve become, in spite of disease. Feeling positive joy in that moment providing me with strength to get to the next moment, and the next moment, and the next….

#melanomatheskin  #cancer #melanoma #naturalskinrocks #Thursdaythoughts #thisonesforlindacherylsusann

We can-cer vive!

Janis

“Garden as Though…

You Will Live Forever”-William Kent

Wow! Where did that week go? My intent to write twice each week has been lost this week. Reminds me of  the lyrics to My Poor Meatball “that rolled right out the door”! I meant to write, I intended to write, and it all slipped out of my hands and right out the door!

Gardening is one of my passions. This year, with the clinical trial for recurring melanoma, I chose to focus on healing, well-being, gardening, and finding balance within the cancer life. The middle of last week found me starting to disassemble my garden beds…bittersweet, for sure.

“If you have a garden…

and a library, you have everything you need”- Marcus Tullius Cicero

Veggies are growing, the Three Sister Garden has had some success and some failure (I’ll talk about this in another post), and my glorious sunflowers are now bending and bowing with the weight of shorter days. Fatigue gets the best of me so my dreams of preserving, drying flowers, saving seeds, and more are not realistic. Healing comes in the form of watching and nurturing the garden, the self.

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Wonder and wonderful beyond words for me this past weekend was the visit from three very dear librarian friends. Adrenaline got me through the basic preparation for this easy gang. Because of the incredible dynamic among this former work team, each of us jumped in and as always, things went as smooth as butter (with lobster, of course)!

Dancing to the Salsa

Tomato season is here, right? I have a lot of sweet cherry tomatoes. Company brought some of the most amazing, BIG tomatoes, peppers, corn, etc. Conversation rambled about fresh salsa ingredients, issues in the world, food choices, mutual friends, healthy diet ideas, and books, so much so that I need to make a list with the titles reviewed. I’ll be sure to share it!

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Amazing Vermont produce, two seaside dinners, and chocolate humus were just the side dishes for me. Nourishment of the soul came around those meals. Laughter, love, and life made our time replete. Sated by friendship, deep and strong, I will remember to carry this soul-fullness on more challenging melanoma treatment days. #melanomatheskinwerein #cancer #laughteristhebestmedicine  #melanoma #naturalskinrocks  #thankyouforbeingyou

We can-cer vive!

Janis

 

 

Metastatic Melanoma and Medical Melee

Life Lessons

We’re learning, every day, each of us in our own unique way. Think on this for a moment. What was it today that was that aha moment. Each day we are given an opportunity to take more in, to consider, and grow. Give yourself that moment to consider how to move forward, to sail on.

Melanoma and the health information available is growing, too. Cancer patients may feel overwhelmed with information, options, and cancer research which seems to grow faster than the speed of light! Some of us are lucky enough to be alive thanks to clinical trials and cancer research. Consider what you need or want to know, and then get on with living. Processing helps us to move forward.

Courage ebbs and flows; many refer to it as the medical merry go-round. Recently, one of the many scans that I have every 3 months sent me into a minor tailspin.  Cancer is such a head game! Totally expecting positive tests, my oncologist suggested further testing. No problem, I can do that, right? UGH. Everything turned out fine but below is example of that damn mind game that creeps in.

Waiting Is

Initially, confidence ruled and I knew it was no worries. And then sinking feelings, inspiration drowning, hope weighted down. That positive attitude twisting, careening in the flotsam of medical melee. Then, time ticked for an eternity as I waited to have the scan, waited for the doctor to come back from vacation, waited to know, waited. I’ve learned to negate the monsters of waiting, to keep them at bay.

Author Robert A. Heinlein wrote in Stranger in a Strange Land, “Waiting is”. Perfect, really, and the dangling of this thought encompasses the abeyance of disease, of cancer, of the abhorrence of living in a suspended state. I refuse to live as though on the bridge of the ship as it begins to sink, watching, waiting as though a bystander in my own destiny.

Navigating Your Course

How do you deal with those times, the uncertainties, the waiting? I’d love to hear how you cope with waiting, fear, and the head games. The mind knows what has been presented, fear can take us down. I choose to live, live deeply, and to fill my sails!

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Another lesson learned. Life with cancer is different and different forever, no doubt, but the quality of the voyage is ours to determine, to balance. Right your vessel, tighten your sheets, and carry on! #melanomatheskin  #cancer #melanoma #wecan-cervive #sailawaywithme

We can-cer vive!

Janis

 

Heroes Among Us

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An American Hero

 

With the passing of John McCain, many of us are reminded of the fragility of life and the opportunity we have while living. Disconnected politically, I admired McCain for his service to the United States, for his integrity of character, and for his clear, well defined opinions. He was a fighter and we cancer patients and caregivers know about that.

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“Nothing in life is more liberating than to fight for a cause larger than yourself, something that encompasses you but is not defined by your existence alone.” 

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity to act despite our fears.” 

I could talk about his melanoma or his glioblastoma. I could talk about his side of the isle versus the one I favor, I could say how meaningful his thumbs down was on the Senate floor in an effort to span party lines and vote to keep the Affordable Care Act that so many Americans need.

All of it matters, his list of accomplishments extensive. Inspiration comes to us in snippets of life, people, and example. Disease is an equalizer and McCain taught us to live each moment to the best, to carry our courage close by, and to find the strength to carry on.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

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We lost Aretha Franklin recently as well. Not one to follow the celebrity life and finding it caustic for the most part, I admire those in the limelight who are exceptionally talented, use their status to work toward the common good, and have integrity of character. Hmmm….integrity really is key to a life well lived!

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“We all require and want respect, man or woman, black or white. It’s our basic human right.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

“Every birthday is a gift. Every day is a gift.”

“Sometimes, what you’re looking for is already there.”

Lover of life, lover of people, we lost Aretha to pancreatic cancer. I consider her a hero as she was far more than the Queen of Soul. Aretha fought many personal challenges, aided in the promotion of civil and women’s rights, and had the courage to hold her head high. She taught us what respect truly means.

If You Could Spend an Hour with One Person

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Who would that be? Ben Franklin comes to mind (though I’ve others such as Eleanor Roosevelt, Indira Gandhi, Susan B. Anthony, Rosa Parks, Virginia Woolf, Dalai Lama, Vincent Van Gogh, Martin Luther King, Stephen Hawking…).

Ben Franklin, a founding Father and inventor, was also a man of his word, literally. He wrote often and started a “lending library” in 1731. I find his integrity of character to include: being a person of action, in service to his country, and peppered with great wit and humor. He taught us to be true to ourselves, to be real.

“What you seem to be, be really.”

“Wish not so much to live long as to live well.”

Who are your heroes?  Be sure to write your comments so we can continue this conversation. My deepest feeling on this is that the hero need not be historically great, in the limelight, or a modern day patriot. Integrity is the commonality; the hero is in each of us, ready to teach.

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You Are My Hero

Unsung heroes are around us. It’s the Mom walking her hairless child through Dana Farber heading for the next treatment. It’s the cancer patient learning that the disease is terminal. Or maybe, it’s that person pushing through the next cycle of cancer uncertainty in hope of more time, another moment to enjoy life. Cancer examples, yet each of us has our own example in life, in integrity. Look at the person beside you; we all wear capes!

We’re in this thing called life together. Perhaps our hero life is small, perhaps it’s a kind gesture, a smile, a hug. Perhaps you make a positive difference today. Perhaps you model the character of integrity…

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“Do you love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.”          Ben Franklin

#melanomatheskin #cancer #hero #wecan-cervive #naturalskinrocks #melanoma #Thursdaythoughts #respect

We can-cer vive!

Janis