Creepers and Stalkers and Trolls, Oh My!

troll-1916370_960_720.jpgWriting today is mostly therapeutic and I apologize in advance for my anxious thoughts. You see, I’m on a clinical trial for metastatic melanoma and due up for my next visit at Dana Farber Cancer Institute. I’ve done well to get on with life, take breaks as needed, and think like my pre-cancer self.

Without Exception

Today the thoughts creep in, a bit more than the usual cancer stuff. It’s always there, the c-word stuff, but I believe I’m exceptional! Exceptional at keeping thoughts at bay, exceptional at ignoring thoughts, and exceptionally exceptional at creating an aura of life is good. Other cancer patients can relate to this!

Three months without my melanoma team, free to push myself through fatigue heavy days and achy joint night. Samplings of joy, love, and life finely sift through my new colander of life. Every moment is rich, alive, and mine for the living.

Whither Shall I Wander?

Prisoner in my own mind, my desire to stay in-the-now wanders down the path of next up. Next up means scans, tests, appointments with oncologists, dermatologists, and the infusion staff. These thoughts are like stalkers in my mind, no longer allowing me the freedom to be.

Plans for the trip to Dana Farber unfold, questions to be asked are written in THE notebook, the medical backpack is unpacked and repacked. Stalker thoughts are unavoidable and while this is not the travel adventure we anticipate, having the blue print in place becomes the norm.

Lost in Thought

Inching closer to the big medical day, it’s more of a challenge to ensure that my health information is current, that all pieces are in place. Racing toward a date that I’d rather avoid, troll-like nasties invade my head space. Ugly, worrisome thoughts greedily take up residence, regardless of how I attempt to evict them.

weathervane
Stay the course!

Feelings of balance and ideas of inspiration are mislaid; moments of hope are obscured as medical melee overrules. The unknown of the next medical segment may leave us feeling lost and filled with fear. Forsake those feelings as best you can as solace comes from love and understanding.

In The Know

The best cancer tip I can offer is that being organized helps. It may not sound like much but a medical backpack, a notebook, a caregiver…any or all provide cancer support. Know your schedule and print it. You will learn how to find all the offices, labs, and treatment areas; though it sounds odd, there is comfort in having a routine for your cancer trips.

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Words of encouragement found on my fridge magnet from Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Days and hours leading up to your next appointments may be fraught with worry. Organize ahead of your appointments, shoo away thoughts of the unknown to make room for thoughts of courage. #braverthanyoubelieve  #melanomatheskin #melanoma #cancer

We can-cervive,

Janis

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Author: melanomatheskinwerein

Writer, librarian, humanatarian, and survivalist, melanoma has provided me with the gift of knowing that each day, each moment matters. Family is so important as is the ocean, both course through my veins and are in my heart! Well, that and the immunotherapy drug that's kicking my butt! Let's work through this and infuse hope and education into our lives.

2 thoughts on “Creepers and Stalkers and Trolls, Oh My!”

  1. Sending love and prayers. At least yet I can’t relate to cancer, per se, but can relate to those feelings of the unknown before scary medical appointments. In addition to your always helpful suggestions, I am sure your writing, itself, is a great help since it is so beautiful, poetically nurturing to the soul, and body, I believe. Just getting back from a walk around our neighborhood was also like a balm for all the daily struggles. Also know that even when you don’t receive comments back, you are touching so many with your beautiful, inspirational thoughts, and meaningful observations and suggestions. Much love.

    Liked by 1 person

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